Today’s story starts with a research project from the 60s/70s called “Biosphere 2”, where a huge greenhouse was built out in a desert and sown with plants and trees (I think it was a “what would we need to do for human life on Mars?” sort of project).

Initially, the trees grew amazingly well: taller and faster than their unprotected brethren. Then, 6 months or so later, they all died.

The scientists realised that by sheltering them from the wind and weather, the trees’ roots hadn’t developed thick and strong, like they needed to. The weak roots couldn’t support the tree – nutritionally or physically – and the system came to a crashing halt (I’m paraphrasing somewhat, but that’s the gist of it).

I was reminded of the similarly themed parable about boats in a harbour: a boat in a harbour is safe, no storm can threaten it, no rogue wave can capsize it… But, boats are meant for traversing oceans, not for mouldering in a harbour. If the boat is never taken beyond the sheltering quays, the crew’s ability is never tested, and no new harbour can ever welcome it.

It’s the same with people, and specifically (for me, recently, anyhow!) with the challenges those people face, like new jobs.

In my last two roles, I was head-hunted. Now, don’t get me wrong, being head-hunted is fantastic for the ego, but it’s awful for self esteem (in my case anyhow). Without the personal validation of going through the candidate selection process, weathering the storms of the technical interview, braving the psychometric assessment, and proving myself in the interview with senior staff, I found myself second guessing my judgement – even my abilities – as time passed in the role.

I felt, having been head-hunted and sort of “waved through” into the job, that I still had to prove my worth in those roles. The nature of the entry always left me feeling like I had somehow cheated.

I know, right?

The people doing the headhunting were technical staff themselves, and were aware of my prior work, so they obviously wouldn’t have head-hunted me if they thought I couldn’t do the job. But I still honestly actually genuinely wondered if people were “just being nice”.

I know, I know! I’m keenly aware of the ridiculousness of that statement!

In my recent job hunt I was very nervous about going through an actual interview process; not least because it’s been over 7 years since I last had to run that gauntlet! In the event, though, I discovered that… Yes, I do know my stuff. In fact, after 18 years of doing this, I’m pretty knowledgeable. As I relaxed into things, it got better too – my brain stopped getting in its own way. If I didn’t know something, it was fine (nobody knows everything) because I also showed I know how to research for answers, or just ask.

And then, just in time for the May bank holiday, the recruiter called me with the news: I’d got the job. I’d reached safe harbour in a new land.

My psychological roots just got a bit thicker and – hopefully – a bit stronger.

Maybe – just maybe – this time around, my stupid monkey hindbrain might believe I deserve to be here 🙄